Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice From a Truly Empathetic Divorce Lawyer

I cannot keep count of the people who have called me asking me to help them with their divorce and telling me they are married to a narcissist. They always ask me, “Have you ever dealt with a narcissist before?” My immediate and, unfortunately, the sad answer is, “Too many times that I can’t even describe.”

Divorcing a narcissist can be emotionally draining and complex. Narcissists thrive on control, and the divorce process may feel like an uphill battle. In this blog, I will discuss common signs of narcissism and how to protect yourself during the divorce process.

What Is Narcissism?

According to psychologist Dr. Ken Lewis, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for constant admiration. While not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD, those who do often create toxic, manipulative relationships that are hard to break free from.

Signs You Might Be Married to a Narcissist

If you’re unsure whether your spouse exhibits narcissistic traits, here are some common signs to look for:

1. Excessive Self-Centeredness: Your spouse expects everything to revolve around them and may become distant or angry if their needs aren’t met.
2. Lack of Empathy: They dismiss or belittle your feelings and needs, showing no care for your emotional well-being.
3. Manipulation: They use gaslighting or guilt-tripping to control you, making you doubt your reality.
4. Need for Validation: Constant praise is required, and they may lash out if they feel ignored or unappreciated.
5. Blame Shifting: Narcissists never take responsibility and often blame you for their mistakes.
6. Idealization and Devaluation: They’ll put you on a pedestal at first but later tear you down, leaving you emotionally drained.
7. Hostility or Aggression: They react with hostility, aggression, or emotional outbursts when they feel challenged or threatened.
8. Grandiosity: They believe they are better than everyone and deserve special treatment. They may exaggerate their accomplishments or claim to have exceptional skills.

Challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist is no easy feat. These individuals will stop at nothing to maintain control over the situation. Here are some common challenges you may face:

• Emotional Abuse: Narcissists often refuse to accept the end of the relationship, leading to prolonged emotional manipulation.
• Financial Manipulation: They may hide assets or drag out the process to maintain control over finances.
• Custody Battles: Narcissists may try to manipulate custody arrangements to retain power, even using children as pawns.
• Prolonged Litigation: They may delay the divorce to maintain control and increase your stress.

How to Protect Yourself During a Divorce from a Narcissist

1. Stay Calm: Narcissists thrive on drama. Keep your emotions in check to avoid giving them control.
2. Keep Documentation: Save records of all interactions and financial information, especially if there’s manipulation or abuse.
3. Avoid Arguments: Keep communication factual and direct. If necessary, have your lawyer handle interactions.
4. Work with a Professional: Partner with an experienced attorney who understands narcissistic behavior to guide you through the process.
5. Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your legal rights to ensure you’re prepared for the divorce proceedings.

Conclusion

Whether a contested divorce or uncontested divorce, divorcing a narcissist can be challenging, but with the right preparation and support, it is possible to regain control and move forward. Understanding the signs of narcissism, recognizing the challenges you may face, and preparing yourself emotionally and legally can help you navigate this difficult journey.

Remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Working with an experienced attorney such as Debbie Cohen of Cohen Law, who understands the dynamics of narcissistic relationships, is essential to protecting yourself and securing a positive outcome. If you’re ready to take the first step toward a new chapter, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a complimentary consultation today. You deserve to be free of the toxicity and begin healing on your own terms. 

I am conveniently located in Northbrook, Illinois, and practice in all of Cook and Lake counties.

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/divorcing-a-narcissist/

DIVORCE AND DISSIPATION: What If My Spouse Is Overspending on Luxury Items and Clothes?

In the world of divorce law, particularly in Illinois, the issue of dissipation of marital assets often arises during the division of property. While divorce can be a complex and emotionally charged process, it’s important to understand how financial actions during the marriage and separation can impact the final property settlement. One question that frequently arises is whether spending on luxury items, such as shopping at high-end stores, can be considered dissipation of marital assets. Let’s explore this concept to help you understand how these types of expenditures could influence your case.

What is Dissipation?

Dissipation, in the context of divorce, refers to the intentional wasting or squandering of marital assets by one spouse during the period of separation or within a reasonable time before the divorce. Essentially, it involves using marital funds in a manner that is wasteful or frivolous, especially when that spending benefits only one spouse and not the family unit.

In Illinois, dissipation can include a range of activities, from extravagant vacations to gambling or excessive spending on luxury items like jewelry, art, or high-end clothing. If one spouse believes the other has misused marital funds for personal pleasure or indulgence during the dissolution process, they may claim that the spending is dissipation and should be considered when dividing assets.

High-End Shopping and Dissipation

When it comes to shopping at high-end stores, whether or not it constitutes dissipation depends on several factors. Illinois courts generally look at the following criteria:

1. Intentionality of the Spending:
   • The key question is whether the purchases were made with the intention to benefit the spouse alone, without consideration for the marital estate. If one spouse spends lavishly on designer clothing, accessories, or luxury goods without a legitimate family purpose, such expenditures may be flagged as dissipation.
2. Timing of the Purchases:
   • If the high-end shopping spree occurs during the period of separation or after the couple has agreed to divorce, it is more likely to be scrutinized. Courts may interpret these purchases as an attempt to hide or diminish marital assets right before the division, which could result in a dissipation claim.
3. Excessive or Unnecessary Nature of the Spending:
   • While spending money on high-end items is not inherently problematic, the court may consider whether the purchases are excessive in relation to the family’s financial situation. If the spending seems out of line with the couple’s income, lifestyle, and needs during the marriage, the court may view it as a form of dissipation.
4. Knowledge and Consent of the Other Spouse:
   • In a healthy marriage, major financial decisions are often made jointly. If one spouse indulges in high-end shopping without informing or consulting the other spouse, it may be considered an act of dissipation. On the other hand, if both parties have a mutual understanding of the financial situation and high-end purchases are part of the couple’s shared lifestyle, this could be a different case.

Examples of High-End Spending that Could Be Considered Dissipation:

• Luxury Clothing & Accessories: Purchasing expensive clothing, handbags, shoes, or jewelry from designer boutiques during the separation period.
• Gifts for a New Partner: If the spouse purchases lavish gifts for a new partner or significant other using marital funds, this could be a clear case of dissipation.
• Excessive Personal Expenses: Spending large sums of money on personal items that are not essential, especially if the purchases were made when the financial situation was precarious or in the midst of divorce proceedings.

What Can You Do If You Believe Your Spouse is Dissipating Assets?

If you suspect that your spouse is dissipating marital assets, such as through excessive shopping or other indulgent behavior, you should consult with an experienced Illinois divorce attorney. Dissipation claims can be complex and require detailed evidence to support the argument that the spending was inappropriate.

Some common actions your attorney may take to address dissipation include:

• Gathering Financial Records: Reviewing bank statements, credit card statements, and receipts to track the spending.
• Depositions and Interrogatories: Taking formal statements from the other party to uncover the intent and nature of the spending.
• Court Motion for Dissipation: Filing a motion in court to argue that certain expenditures should be considered when dividing the assets.

Conclusion

In Illinois, the court takes dissipation of marital assets seriously, and high-end shopping may indeed be considered dissipation under certain circumstances. If you are going through a divorce and believe your spouse has misused marital funds in this way, it’s important to consult with a knowledgeable divorce lawyer like Debbie Cohen of Cohen Law, LLC. She can help protect your financial interests and ensure that all assets are divided fairly. 

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/divorce-dissipation-marital-assets-illinois-law/

PRESS RELEASE

Debbie Cohen, founder of Cohen Law, LLC, has been selected to the 2025 Illinois Super Lawyers list.

Super Lawyers, part of Thomson Reuters, is a research-driven, peer influenced rating service of outstanding lawyers. No more than five percent of attorneys are selected annually in the state using a patented multiphase process that includes a statewide survey of lawyers, peer nominations, independent research by Super Lawyers, and evaluations from a highly credentialed panel of attorneys.

The objective of Super Lawyers is to create a credible, comprehensive, and diverse listing of exceptional attorneys to be used as a resource for referring attorneys, consumers, and business professionals seeking legal counsel.

The Super Lawyers lists are seen nationwide in Super Lawyers magazines including digital editions, and in leading city and regional magazines and newspapers across the country. Please join us in congratulating Jane Smith on her selection.

For more information, go to: SuperLawyers.com

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/debbie-cohen-honored-as-2025-illinois-super-lawyer/

Why You Need a Lawyer for Your Prenuptial Agreement – and the Risks of Signing Close to the Wedding

Getting married is a significant milestone, and with it often comes a sense of excitement and anticipation. While it may not be the most romantic aspect of wedding planning, having a prenuptial agreement (prenup) in place is a crucial step in protecting your financial future, especially if you or your partner have significant assets, business interests, or children from previous relationships.

However, it’s important to understand that signing a prenuptial agreement isn’t just about protecting assets—it’s about doing so in a way that’s fair, legally sound, and free from undue pressure. This is where the role of a skilled family lawyer becomes essential. If you’re considering a prenup, here’s why you need legal representation and the risks of signing one too close to the wedding date.

The Importance of Having a Lawyer Represent You

1. Ensuring Fairness and Protection
   A prenup isn’t just about protecting wealth—it’s about ensuring that both parties are treated fairly in the event of a divorce or separation.  Debbie Cohen of Cohen Law, LLC, will help you understand the terms of the agreement and ensure that they reflect your interests and needs. Without legal advice, you may unknowingly agree to terms that are unfavorable or unenforceable.
2. Drafting a Legally Binding Agreement
   A prenup is only valid if it meets certain legal standards. An experienced divorce lawyer, such as Debbie Cohen, will help you draft an agreement that’s clear, concise, and legally enforceable. This is especially important in Illinois, where specific laws govern how prenuptial agreements are treated in divorce court. If the agreement is not properly structured or if one party was not fully informed, it may not hold up in court.
3. Avoiding Emotional Pressure
   Marriage is an emotional experience, and it’s not uncommon for one party to feel reluctant about discussing a prenup. Having your own lawyer ensures that you’re not making decisions under pressure and that you fully understand the implications of what you’re signing. Your attorney will advocate for your interests, keeping the focus on protecting your financial future, not just on the wedding.

The Risks of Signing a Prenuptial Agreement Close to the Wedding Date

While prenuptial agreements can offer significant protections, signing one too close to the wedding date can introduce serious risks, both legally and emotionally.

1. Potential for Coercion or Duress
   One of the biggest risks of signing a prenup close to the wedding is the possibility of coercion or duress. If you or your partner feel rushed into signing, or if one party is using the wedding as leverage, it can lead to an agreement that isn’t truly voluntary. In Illinois, if a court finds that a prenup was signed under duress—because of time pressure, emotional manipulation, or lack of informed consent—it can be invalidated.
2. Limited Time to Review and Understand the Agreement
   Prenuptial agreements should be thoroughly reviewed and understood by both parties. When you’re approaching the wedding day, time is often in short supply. You may feel pressured to sign without fully considering the long-term implications. Attorney Debbie Cohen can give you the time and space to go over every detail of the agreement and provide expert advice on whether the terms are reasonable and enforceable.
3. Risk of Invalidating the Agreement
   Illinois law requires that both parties have ample time to review and negotiate the terms of a prenup before signing. If one party is given insufficient time to review the agreement—say, it’s presented only a few days before the wedding—there’s a risk that the court may deem the agreement invalid. Courts are highly scrutinizing of prenuptial agreements that seem rushed or unreasonably signed under time constraints.
4. Challenges in Enforcing the Agreement
   A prenuptial agreement signed close to the wedding may be subject to challenges in court. If one party feels that they didn’t fully understand the terms or was pressured to sign, they may later contest the prenup in a divorce proceeding. A prenup that’s signed too hastily or without proper legal guidance could result in costly and time-consuming litigation.

The Bottom Line: Plan Ahead for Your Financial Future

While discussing and negotiating a prenuptial agreement may feel uncomfortable or even unnecessary to some, it’s an important part of protecting your assets, securing your financial future, and entering marriage with a clear understanding of each party’s responsibilities. Hiring a family lawyer like Cohen Law, LLC, to represent you during this process is vital for ensuring that the agreement is fair, legally sound, and not the product of undue pressure.

It’s crucial to start the conversation about a prenup well before the wedding date. This gives both parties the time to think critically about the terms, understand their rights, and seek legal advice without being rushed. Ultimately, a properly negotiated and executed prenuptial agreement can offer peace of mind and financial protection, allowing you to focus on the joyous occasion of marriage rather than worrying about potential legal disputes down the road.

If you’re considering a prenuptial agreement in Illinois, make sure you have an experienced family law attorney such as Debbie Cohen, by your side to guide you through the process and protect your best interests.

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/prenuptial-agreement-lawyer-importance/

Pets and Divorce: What Happens to Your Fur Babies in Illinois?

As a divorce attorney in Illinois and a huge animal lover, I frequently hear and empathize with clients who are concerned about one of their most cherished family members: their pets. When couples divorce, the future of their pets can often become as emotional and complicated as other aspects of the separation—custody, property division, and financial support. For many, pets aren’t just animals; they’re beloved members of the family. So, what happens to them in a divorce?

Illinois Law and Pets: More Than Just Property

Unlike children, pets are considered property under Illinois law. This means that when a couple divorces, pets are typically treated the same way as furniture or a car in terms of legal ownership. However, Illinois courts are starting to recognize the emotional significance of pets, and this is leading to some important changes in how pet custody is handled.

In Illinois, pets are generally included in property division, and the court’s primary focus is on who owns the pet. The issue arises when both parties claim the pet as their own or when a couple has shared ownership. Things get even more difficult when children have attachments to the pet and child custody is at play.  In these cases, the judge may order the pet to be awarded to the party that can demonstrate they were the primary caregiver or the one who has a stronger bond with the pet. It’s important to note that Illinois doesn’t have specific laws or guidelines for “pet custody” the way it does for children, so much of the process is based on negotiation or the judge’s discretion.

What to Do If You’re Divorcing and Worried About Your Pet

While Illinois courts don’t grant custody like they do with children, there are still steps you can take to ensure the best outcome for your pets during a divorce:

1. Try to Reach an Agreement: Like other aspects of divorce, the best outcome for everyone involved—pets included—comes when both parties can agree. If both spouses are able to negotiate a resolution for the pet, such as splitting time or sharing care duties, that can be the simplest and least stressful solution.
2. Document Who Is the Primary Caregiver: If an agreement can’t be reached, the court may look into who was the primary caregiver of the pet. This can include details like who feeds, walks, and takes the pet to the vet. If you were the primary caregiver, this may strengthen your case.
3. Consider a Pet Parenting Plan: While Illinois law doesn’t formally recognize pet custody arrangements, you can create an informal “pet parenting plan” that works for both parties. This may outline things like visitation, expenses, and other responsibilities. Having an agreement in place can prevent ongoing conflict and make things easier for your pet.
4. Be Prepared for Emotional Decisions: Divorce is hard enough, but when it involves a pet, emotions can run even higher. It’s important to remember that pets, like children, thrive in stable, loving environments. The more you and your spouse can cooperate for the pet’s well-being, the better the outcome will be for everyone involved.
5. Consider Mediation: If negotiations are proving difficult, you can also consider mediation to help settle pet-related disputes. Mediation is often less costly and stressful than going to court, and it can help facilitate a more amicable solution, particularly when it comes to something as emotional as a pet’s future.

How a Divorce Lawyer Can Help

As your divorce lawyer, I can help navigate the complexities of your divorce, including pet ownership issues. While pets are legally classified as property in Illinois, we can work to ensure that the best interests of your furry companion are considered. Whether through negotiation, mediation, or working with your spouse’s attorney, my goal is to help you reach a solution that ensures the well-being of your pet and a fair division of assets.

Final Thoughts

Divorce is tough on everyone, and pets can feel the stress too. Even though Illinois law doesn’t officially recognize pets as children, many courts are becoming more aware of the important bond between humans and their animals. By addressing pet-related issues thoughtfully and proactively, couples can minimize stress for both themselves and their pets during the divorce process.

If you’re facing a divorce and have questions about what will happen to your pet, feel free to reach out to me at Cohen Law. Together, we can work to find the best solution for you and your furry friend.

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/divorce-and-pet-custody-illinois-law/

Alcohol and Divorce: A Common Issue

As an experienced divorce attorney in Illinois, I frequently see alcohol-related problems as a significant factor in marital breakdowns. While alcohol isn’t the sole cause of divorce, unhealthy drinking habits or addiction can create serious challenges in relationships.

Alcohol can lead to communication breakdowns in marriages. It impairs judgment, making it harder for couples to resolve conflicts and navigate difficult conversations. In more severe cases, alcohol abuse is often linked to domestic violence, creating an unsafe environment for both partners and children. Additionally, excessive drinking can lead to financial strain, further adding stress to an already strained relationship. For some couples, alcohol lowers inhibitions and leads to infidelity, resulting in broken trust that can be impossible to repair.

Research shows that alcohol abuse increases the likelihood of divorce by 50%. With 1 in 3 families affected by alcohol issues, it’s clear that the impact on marriages is significant.

There are steps couples can take to address these issues. Seeking help through counseling, support groups, or intervention can often prevent further damage. Honest communication about alcohol’s impact on the relationship is key. In more severe cases, legal intervention, such as protective orders or custody arrangements, may be necessary to ensure safety and well-being.

Alcohol can be a major challenge for marriages, but it doesn’t have to be the end. With the right support, couples can navigate these issues and rebuild their relationships. However, when the relationship becomes irreparably damaged, having a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney like Debbie Cohen can help guide the divorce process with care and expertise.

If you’re facing a divorce or family law issue and alcohol is playing a role, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for guidance. Together, we can find the right path forward. Contact Debbie Cohen of Cohen Law, LLC located in Northbrook, Illinois handling family matters in Cook and Lake Counties.

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/alcohol-and-divorce-legal-guidance/

What to Look for in a Divorce Lawyer: Essential Characteristics

Choosing the right divorce lawyer can significantly impact your experience during one of life’s most challenging transitions. With so many options available, it’s crucial to identify the characteristics that will best support your needs. Here are the top qualities to consider when selecting a divorce attorney. 

Experience and Expertise

One of the first factors to evaluate is the lawyer’s experience in family law. An attorney who specializes in divorce cases will have a deeper understanding of the nuances involved. Look for someone who has handled cases similar to yours, whether that’s high-asset divorces, child custody disputes, or mediation.

Communication Skills

Effective communication is key in any legal matter. A good divorce lawyer should be able to explain complex legal concepts in clear, understandable terms. They should also be responsive, keeping you updated on your case and being available to answer your questions. A lawyer who listens actively and values your input will help you feel more confident throughout the process.

Strategic Thinker

Divorce cases can be complex, requiring careful planning and strategy. Your lawyer should be able to assess your situation and develop a tailored plan that aligns with your goals. This includes anticipating potential challenges and being proactive in addressing them. Look for a lawyer who demonstrates critical thinking and a clear approach to problem-solving.

Compassion and Understanding

Divorce is often an emotionally charged process. A lawyer with a compassionate demeanor can make a significant difference in your experience. They should understand the emotional toll of divorce and provide support throughout the legal journey. Look for someone who shows empathy and is willing to listen to your concerns.

Negotiation Skills

Most divorce cases are settled out of court, making strong negotiation skills essential. A competent divorce lawyer should be able to advocate for your best interests, whether in direct negotiations or during mediation. They should be prepared to achieve a fair settlement while also knowing when to stand firm on key issues.

Reputation and Reviews

Researching a lawyer’s reputation can provide insight into their reliability and effectiveness. Look for online reviews, testimonials, and any recognitions or awards they may have received. Recommendations from friends or family can also be invaluable in finding someone trustworthy.

Fee Structure and Transparency

Understanding a lawyer’s fee structure upfront is crucial. Look for someone who is transparent about their fees and willing to discuss costs openly. This includes understanding their billing methods, whether hourly or flat fees, and any additional costs that may arise. A clear financial agreement can help prevent surprises down the line.

Availability

Your lawyer’s availability can greatly affect your case. Ensure that the attorney has the time and resources to dedicate to your situation. A lawyer who is overloaded with clients may not be able to give your case the attention it deserves.

Problem-Solving Attitude

Divorce often involves unexpected twists and turns. A good divorce lawyer should possess a problem-solving attitude, finding creative solutions to obstacles that arise. This adaptability can be crucial in navigating the complexities of your case.

Conclusion

Finding the right divorce lawyer involves more than just legal expertise; it requires someone who can navigate the emotional landscape of your situation with compassion and skill. By focusing on these essential characteristics, you can select a lawyer who will not only advocate for your interests but also provide the support you need during this challenging time. Take your time, do your research, and trust your instincts. The right lawyer can make all the difference in achieving a positive outcome in your divorce.  Contact divorce attorney Debbie Cohen and Cohen Law for a complimentary consultation.

from Debbie Cohen https://cohenfamilylawyer.com/what-to-look-for-in-a-divorce-lawyer/